Today, I am emotional about an incident that occurred yesterday involving my son and another kid. My son is on the outside of friendships often. Alone on the playground, playing by himself, often. I worry - will this incident be another thing that will keep him from being included in a circle of friends?
I can barely put into words how sad I feel for my son at times. I am sitting here crying in the car. It's hard watching your child face adversity: the teasings, the tauntings, being made fun of, being excluded and being told that he can't be a part of this kid's or that kid's group of friends. What makes it especially hard is to see how much he wants to be a part of a group because he is such a naturally social being. He thrives on interaction. Honestly, all he wants is that special friend - the one he can play with every day on the school playground. He wants that special relationship - the special connection that comes with having a best friend. He actually had one, until that friend moved on and became someone else's best friend. He's still hurt over that one.
"This is good for him," my Hubby says "though it's painful for us. He needs this. Especially because he is so sensitive. He needs to go through this in order to understand his own sensitivity and work through these hard moments. The adversity will only make him stronger."
But the adversity our son faces is painful. Not just for him but for me (and said Hubby) as well. Why does it have to be?
How my heart breaks whenever I've watch him walk up to a cluster of kids and ask to play with them and they reject him. One time, at a park, a couple of years ago, I saw him approach three different kids playing within the same group and they each rejected him. I finally had to step in. It was discouraging to see. Heart-wrenching to watch the sadness take over his face.
But I know that Hubby is right. These moments of adversity will make him stronger. I think about the pain I experienced when I was a kid - a good part of that stemming from being a victim of abuse. It has made me stronger. At one moment in my life, strong enough to leave an abusive situation.
I need to do it. And embrace it wholeheartedly. For my son. I need to put on my "Mommypants" (as inspired by Cheryl at Mommypants) and do what I have to do help him to embrace whatever adversity comes his way. I need to put my own personal emotions aside or work through them, turning towards the storms that adversity brings and face them head on. Embrace them and hold on tight. Persevere and not give up.
And then, hopefully, my darling boy will become my stronger (and sensitive) boy, who will grow into that strong, self-confident man one day because he has faced adversity and survived.
And his mother will become a stronger woman as well.
Have you dealt with your child being teased or excluded? Have you become emotional over it (or is it just me)? How do you handle those moments when it happens? What do you tell your child? Please share, because this emotional, protective mama would love to know.