Friday, March 18, 2011

My Future

I rode up on an elevator with Tommy, my handsome stud of a boyfriend.  I straightened my blouse and fixed my skirt, then looked at him.  We shared a smile.   We arrived twenty minutes early and  feeling extremely turned on by each other,  we decided to make memorable use of the extra time in his Land Rover parked downstairs.  It was hot and amazingly intense,  just like the other times.  

We were on our way up to see a loft apartment.  This was my dream almost fulfilled. I'd settle in with Tommy in a cool urban loft apartment in my dream location and just work on my writing career. Tommy was a musician but his parents were well-off, and since he was their only boy, he was lavishly spoiled.   We would be together, not necessarily married. Who needed a piece of paper when you had love and heart connecting you?   This would be my future and I couldn't wait for it.

The elevator doors opened to a large room with dark wood floors, exposed brick walls and a long row of tall windows running across from one side to another.  The sun shone brightly in, lighting up the beautiful room which was decorated in rich brown and red tones.

A woman around my age walked up and greeted us.  "Hi, I'm Rebecca, the Strattons' assistant. Dominick and Theresa will back any minute.  They apologize for being late but asked me to show you the place in the meantime while we wait for them."

At the end of our tour, Dominick and Theresa still hadn't arrived, so Tommy and I talked with Rebecca while we waited.

"What are you guys doing this Sunday?" she asked.  Sunday would be Valentine's Day.

"Romantic stuff, " I said and looked at Tommy.  He grinned.

"Would you like to start off that romantic day with a morning celebrating love?" She went on to invite us to a church service hosted by the Performing Arts ministry of her church.


The service was amazing, the music top notch, the messages moving, the congregation filled with people whose made their living  in the arts yet did it with God in their lives.  My heart swelled.  I turned to Tommy.  My excited smile met his reluctant one.

We started studying the bible that Sunday.   Another cool dimension to add to our sparkling future together.


It is nine months later and I am preparing for my date that night.  I am living a new life and Tommy is not a part of it.  Our relationship ended three days before I was baptized and became a Christian. He couldn't commit to having a chaste relationship and I couldn't continue to have an adulterous one.   We rescinded our offer on the loft apartment and I moved into this small apartment with a new roommate.

I slip on my last earring when the doorbell rings.  When I open the door, a sweet, wholesome face topped with red hair smiles back at me.  Christopher.  My current boyfriend.

"Hi," I say breathlessly.  He holds the most beautiful bouquet of deep red roses.  He doesn't kiss me, just hugs me instead.   The shared kiss on the lips we are saving for that special moment.   There will be wedding bells in my future and my being dressed in white will be more than just a tradition.  It will actually mean something.  

As he hands me the roses, I smile.   Little did I know the future that awaited me that day almost a year ago when I stepped into that loft.


This is a fictional piece inspired by a writing prompt from the Red Dress Club where you were  to write - fiction or non-fiction - about a time when you took a detour. Where had you intended to go and where did you end up?


  1. What a great detour and so well worth it!

  2. This story captures how life give us those special and unexpected detours.

    I enjoyed reading this very much and liked how you moved your character to finding her own beliefs and values:~)

  3. What an unexpected detour. It's funny how that happens. And it seemed to happen to someone who was least likely to accept it. I enjoyed this.

  4. What a great piece, it really describes how ones faith can send them a a different path, not only spiritually but emotionally, physically, mentally.

    Great work.

  5. This was good because it felt real. If you hadn't said that it was fictional I would have assumed that this was your story.

  6. GAH! What is it this week and the extreme realism?! I was about to make a comment about the choices you made and how I was happy that you found someone more in tune with the person you wanted to be (although, from what I have read on your blog, I know you actually have, lol!)

    Then I see the fiction comment!

    Well, I commend you on that. Great job. Very believable. Very believable.

    A couple of tips for you writing on general.
    - When you make descriptions, watch repeating words that are somewhat unnecessary. You repeated loft apartment twice. The second time, I think you could have left it with loft. Eases the flow of the piece.
    - Later, you say the sun shone brightly in, lighting... brightly, again unnecessary.
    - The separators... don't do that. Feels like three stories in one. A reader may feel like you are coaxing into reading something they didn't come here for. Just tie them together with some transition. As long as it makes sense, you can skip forward in time all you want. No need to throw the asterisk in there.

    Great job this week! I can see improvement in your writing. Keep at it! :)

  7. Brandon - thanks! I'm glad it came off real and believable. Good tip about the asterisks. I was aiming for that. This piece echoes aspects of a real situation I experienced, but I think it's a little more interesting than the real thing. Lol!

  8. You're welcome. Words can make ANY situation more interesting, but they will never discount the experience. ;)

  9. Visiting from SITS. Beautiful piece. A love the little twists that turn into big twists - so much like real life!

  10. You know what?? This story seems real.

    Good reading, woman.


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