Friday, June 1, 2012

Handle Your Worry


I am quite a bit emotional this morning.  
It started when I read the political news sites.  Why do I do this?  Now I'm feeling down, and coupled with another important incident that happened this morning, I'm feeling worried as well.  
Worried brings on a whole host of emotion.  I'm worried in the grand scheme of things.  What does God want for our lives now?  What if we jump into something and it's the wrong decision?  I truly believe that God can make things clear, there's always the worry that it won't match up to what we (I) want.  Even though God's decision is good for me, I worry I'm going to be unhappy.  

Which is ludicrous because I believe God always has our best interests at heart and being with Him means there's good all around.  It can be a tough life with him and a disciplined life but the results yield good stuff.
This I have a conviction about. 
And yet I worry still.  
Forgive me, Lord.
I'm now going to go make a cup of coffee (sprinkled with lots of cinnamon), maybe step outside and definitely pray some more through these emotions.
A cup of coffee is always good (especially when sprinkled with cinnamon).
Praying to God, infinitely better. 


How do you handle your worry?



Monday, May 28, 2012

It's Been Awhile...

It's been awhile and life has been happening...


...food truck parties in the neighborhood...



...special school birthday celebrations...



...days of nursing sick boys back to health (in Spring!)...




...the last rounds of soccer games...



a really sweet mother's day celebration....



and a mini trip to Vegas to join the husband at his conference....




And now...

"School is out for summer!" My husband loudly sang this past Friday morning to our 7 year old, ala Alice Cooper.


Summer break has arrived...
                                           and things will slow down a bit  (right?)

A couple of baseball and gymnastics camps...

                                       Possibly a week-long soccer camp...

Some vacation bible school...

                                        and hopefully lots of open-filled days to play in the sunshine...





as well as more time for me to blog?

                                              Oh, I can only hope.






Saturday, May 12, 2012

Snapshots of Spring...

Spring is here and I am so enjoying it.  

It's been beautiful weather here in Boulder and I've been out trying to capture it in all its beauty. 

Below are a few of my favorites
highlighting what spring means to me: 




hanging out along Boulder trails 






Buds blooming in our backyard...





...Easter and colorful eggs and egg hunts...




...and green, green, greenness everywhere... 



...and last but not least,  
spring means my littlest munchkin can hang out outside now... 

He's so focused on his little finger,
though spring is all around him. 

That's okay.

I'll notice enough for the two of us. 



Joining in with the Leap into Spring! Photo Challenge: a six-week photography challenge 
aimed at capturing the beauty of spring. 
It's been a blast! 

Thanks Alicia, Kristi and Rebecca


spring photography challenge, kristi live and love out loud photo challenge, project alicia photo challenge, bumbles and light photo challenge,

Monday, May 7, 2012

A Different Beat



The 7 year old.  My oldest boy.

He's into building and creating - right now he wants to work on the town he is building with Legos and blocks and cardboard and Playmobil sets.  There will soon be a soccer stadium built there.  He's super- excited about that.

He wants to make bead necklaces and sell them or open up a lemonade stand (his own doing, trust me) and sell lemonade to his friends.  He's all ready to make invitations with directions to help his friends get to his house.

Yet, with his grand ideas, he's still a social being.  He wants to be a part of a group of friends.  He misses having a BFF (had one briefly in his 1st year of preschool, none since).


He tries to blend in, and a lot of times is not the most successful.  The kids have kept him out of things because he has his own way of doing things, seeing things.  And he's passionate about his views.  

There's rejection.  Exclusion.  

He's not that into superheroes or Star Wars or the latest kid trend.   

He even tries to be a part of a group by trying to like the same things the other kids like.   He makes an effort and gets a little interested, but truth be told, he's not super passionate about it so he walks away.  It just doesn't hold his interest.

So he tries to be a part by imitating silly behavior and doing goofy things.  Being a class clown because, you know, class clowns are funny and charming and accepted by kids.

I see this and it makes me cringe, because the silly, goofy things are not always the best behavior.

I have to admit though that there were times when I cringed when I noticed he wasn't readily accepted by other kids.

Times in my heart where I just wanted him to blend in better with the other kids, like what they like so they could bring him into their group.

But over the last year, my conscience has protested more often than once and asked "Why?  Why does he have to blend in? Why does he need to like the same things other kids are into?"

The conscience continues to protest: "Be a little more relatable yes, but be or do exactly what the other kids are doing, no...just so he can be liked and have friends?"


When your own beat is to a different drummer it's hard.

Standing out from the crowd becomes the norm when your beat is different.

Not being accepted by the majority is common when your beat is different.

Life is a little more challenging socially when your beat is different.

You are alone a lot when your beat is different.


When I started this blog, it was because I loved the idea of chronicling my life, my family's life, especially for the kids so that as they got older they could go back and read about what was happening during these early years.  

In chronicling the moments of our lives, I didn't realize that I would end up writing about the adversity that my child has faced because he is unique from the pack.  I didn't even realize this would be a factor I would have to deal with so soon in his preschool years.  

So, for me, it's become unexpectedly personal as I watch my kids and others kids grow and interact with their peers in this world.  Having your own unique beat is something to appreciated, loved, nurtured and cherished, especially in this crazy, trendy, patterned world. 

I speak for those who walk to their own, unique beat.  Will continue to speak, almost reluctantly at times  because it's not an easy topic to give voice to, but a necessary one. 


Walking to your own beat when it's that of a different drummer.

Not a bad thing.

Definitely not a thing to be pushed aside or squashed.

But to be celebrated, understood and embraced.

Always.

It makes us who we are.


Joining in with two awesome blog friends, Nicole and Galit who are hosting a Lorax-based link up this week, asking us to share for whom or what we speak.  Because we all speak for something.  



Photobucket

The Lorax speaks for the trees.  Who do you speak for?


Friday, May 4, 2012

The Season For Green...


...And it's out in full force in our backyard. 



We're surrounded. 


With the sun shining brightly on green leaves




Standing tall, drinking in that sun. 

Green leaves everywhere


 And that's just fine with me.  




Joining in with the Leap into Spring! Photo Challenge: a six-week photography challenge aimed at capturing the beauty of spring. 

This week's theme: Grass/Green

spring photography challenge, kristi live and love out loud photo challenge, project alicia photo challenge, bumbles and light photo challenge,



Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Top of A Fence Post...

Took a drive to a trailhead on a beautiful Saturday to see what I could shoot. 


Played around a little with perspective and focus

 and came up with this:

The top of a fence post.  


Joining in with Darcy at Sweet Shot Tuesday

Monday, April 23, 2012

Missing That Career...

Seven years ago I officially stepped away from my production career film/television because I was about to give birth to a baby six months down the road.

I remember walking through the set of the indie film I was working on, clipboard in hand (I was a producer on this particular production) thinking about my pregnancy.  I hadn't told my friends and colleagues in the industry at the time and wasn't planning to.  No need to alert the media at that point and I didn't want anything to distract from my fairly new role as producer.

This would be my last film I knew as the husband and I agreed that it was a good time to step away.  I would so miss it.  I was on this  career track, working my way up to being a producer in film production and I would have to put it aside for awhile.

It made me a little sad but I was happy with my decision.  I was going to be a mama soon and that baby would need me more than any set cast and crew ever would.  Of course in the back of my mind, I would wonder "What will happen to my career?", "Will I be so behind when I decided to step back onto this track?"

I thought of two of my close friends in the business at the time - both like me, working in film and television and on the same track I was on, who were single at the time.  I thought of how their careers will continue to grow while mine's will be on pause - at least for a time.

I was watching a news segment the other day on mothers working in the television industry that highlighted three producers at CNN and my heart clenched.  They were successful, enjoying their work as producers and enjoying their children even as they faced the challenge of juggling it all.

I thought to myself while watching the segment that could have been me.  My career would have been at that point possibly or even close to it.  I could've been that successful mom producer/writer working in the film/t.v. industry.

My heart clenched mainly because I missed that production career.

However, deep in my heart, I don't regret the last seven years I stayed home with my boys working as their full-time Mom.  I do in moments feel like I've disappointed my independent, career minded mother who expected major accomplishments from me in the world of film production.  Not that it's too late, though I am not getting any younger.

Three kiddos later, the prospect of stepping back into the production world for me is a scary one.  How behind will I be?  I still  love it as much as I love my writing.  Honestly I can't see any other working career for me along with the writing career that I had been pursuing alongside that production career all those years earlier.

I've stepped back on the path of that writing career which excites me to no end.  I'm faithful that there will be accomplishments within it.

I won't lie though.  I do miss that production career.  So much, at times, it hurts.

In moments, I feel like I don't know where to begin on that path again now that we're here in Colorado.  I'm not living in or near New York City as I was seven years ago where the opportunities are plenty.   I'm in Colorado where the pickin's exist but aren't as plentiful.  Where film production is limited.

Besides, timing wise, it's just not feasible to do it on a full-time basis.

If I had to do it over again, I would make the same decision to step away and be that mother full-time, but I can't help in moments feeling like I'm missing out.  I'm not waking up mornings and going to work as that "producer/writer", heading to a production office, surrounding myself with colleagues like me.

There's a time for everything.  I get that.  This is my season for being this stay-at-home mother.  I'm enjoying it.  This time with the boys - so, so important and so needed.

In the moment, it is good and it is enough.

My season for becoming that established writer is now here and I'm on that path.

The season for me to be that producer again can come around, again.

But for all that is happening right now, where I'm at, all is well.

I need to remind myself of that, constantly.

All is well and it is enough.


Full time mothers out there - do you miss your career?  Do you think you'll be going back, you think?  Do you want to go back?