I'm excited to read new blogs and make new blog friends. I'm amazed that I have a new community of people that I am now in contact with. I love checking out new blogs and seeing the unique, creative designs that bloggers come up with. That gets me giddy because I love good design. I am constantly showing different blogs to my Design Director hubby and pointing out what I like in each (it's a very cool perk to have a graphic designer as a husband).
And yet, there are moments, where like back in high school, I feel left out. On the fringe. I've made some wonderful blog friends, but I still feel like the girl who wants to be a part of the "accepted" cool group but can't find a way to get in. I'm not cool enough to have people read my blog or if they read, comment. I'm not important enough.
I find myself dealing with the temptation of trying to make my blog cooler and more like everyone else's. I find myself wondering if there are some hidden blog rules that I don't know about that I'm breaking - could that be the reason why I'm on the fringes? At least this is the thought that runs through my mind in moments.
I find myself wondering if I should change my blog and essentially and aspects of myself (since my blog reflects my personality) in order to be read more/accepted more/important enough to warrant a comment. Maybe I'm too personal - not universal, enough? (Feel free to add your 2 cents, on this one). Should I focus more on being cooler and more appealing - writing on more popular, provocative topics? Hmmm...maybe. Is that the answer?
Even as I write this, I can think of a couple blog friends who I wish would comment on my blog more often or if at all. When they don't I can't help but wonder if I'm just not important or "cool" enough for them to spend the minute or two to read or even comment. Especially when I see their comments on other people's blogs - you know, the ones that have the over 400+ followers.
Hubby reminds me from time to time why I started this blog in the first place: as a place to share my thoughts, to chronicle my life, to keep my writing consistent so that my writing can get better. Most importantly, so that I can stay in my element, as a writer, because honestly writing is so much a part of me, like (this is slightly corny) breathing. But really, like breathing. I need to blog or journal of some sort, so that I remain in that element. I need something like this to ground me since the days can be a whirlwind of busyness and distraction with things that are so far from writing.
So why then do I at times find myself getting caught up in wanting to be a part of the blog "in-crowd" if there is such a thing. I wouldn't know. I feel so out of it sometimes - totally naive of the blog world -that I have moments where I think I'm missing something. I mean, I still don't even know how to put links in my posts. Like I would love to give big love with links to their blogs to the blog friends that have been amazing and encouraging to me like Cheryl at Mommypants and Mrs. M. at Mothering Mayhem, Alexandra at Good Day, Regular People, and Lady Jennie at A Lady in France to name a few but I still don't know how to put links in my entries. How do I do that, by the way? What is this girl missing?
So are these the insecurities that come with being a new blogger or is there some truth to the idea of a blog "in-crowd"? Is this part of the reality as I navigate through these blog waters or is this all in my mind? (Feel free to answer, you more experienced bloggers).
In the meantime, like in high school, I'll just keep moving along, interacting and making new friends where I can and spending time with current ones as I battle my insecurities. Letting the excitement of visiting blogs - current and new ones - and checking out their unique designs and wonderful posts be my motivation as well as the satisfaction and fulfillment I get when I write and share one of my own posts.
Because you know, that makes me giddy. And "giddy" trumps "insecurity" any day.
Has anyone felt like this when it comes to blogging? Is there a blog "in-crowd"? How do you cope with the insecurities? Definitely share, this new blogger would love to know...