Monday, August 29, 2011

The Inevitable

I'm waiting for the inevitable.

I wish I wasn't.

I'm sort of partly in denial.

The inevitable in this case is that my good friend will pass away from cancer soon.  She's in her last days.  The doctor gave her two weeks.  Her body has already begun to shut down.

I keep praying and hoping for a miracle.

In the meantime, the inevitable looms before me.

I can barely process that fact.  Because of that, I can barely write about it.

My amazing, courageous, strong friend.  One of my best friends from the past when I lived in NYC.  One of the strongest women I know.

A friend who is like family to me, though I don't get to see her often.

Wish I could be there with her.

Instead I am here mired in the dailyness of my life, looking after my three young boys and dealing with household issues.

When I handle my cranky toddler, I think of her.  As important as it is for me to be with him, I feel like it's just as important for me to be with her and I silently detest the unfairness of it all.

These precious boys are the living but my friend is dying.  

 If we were closer, I could be there.

I honestly don't want to wait until the inevitable to be there because the Husband and I will be there -- celebrating her life, supporting and comforting her husband and 6 year old son...

Her husband reassured me that she knows (and he knows) that my husband and I are there with them in spirit.  That if we were closer, we would be there. 

But I want to be there before the inevitable happens.  To see her again.

I guess I am there in a way.  Through phonecalls and Facebook.

All my love, and support, and encouragment and prayers and comfort will get to her this way.

And that's just as good.

I have to remember that.

Update:  She passed away two days later on August 31st.  Such a strong, courageous woman who put up a good fight.  I leave tomorrow morning to go be with her family and celebrate her life.