Wednesday, April 20, 2011

What I Lack...

What I lack...


...is the will to let go.  I hold onto things so tightly like ideas and principles.


...is the will to give in.   I will go after things.  I just will, if it's a book I left behind or a wrong that deserves to be righted.


...is the ability to not feel.  To cover my heart over with a hard shell.  I just can't do it.  So you will see a myriad of emotions cross my face at any given time.


...is the ability to keep quiet about how I feel in the moment.  I just express and if I am not vocal, I emote.  So you will hear me blurt out my anger at the injustices in life.  Or you will feel me as I shake in anger or excitement in my seat.


...is the ability to be blase.   Lacking passion is not my strength.  So I will wave my arms as I express my displeasure or outrage.  My speech will be infused with fire as I speak strongly of a cause that I believe in.


...is the ability to not defend and protect the ones I love.  I can't help but speak up and ask that kid at the playground why he won't include you boys in his games.


...is the ability to not care.  I can't help but care even in moments when I say "I don't care."  So I will observe you on the playground, during recess just to see how you guys are doing that day because I care.  Deeply.


...is the ability to leave God out of the equation of my life.   So I will continue to pray to him before meals (and expect you guys to do so too) and just thank him for the little and big things in our life.  I will cry out to him and even almost hate him when I am stressed out or struggling with the tough moments that crop up but I will always, always revere him.




So, my dear sons, this is me.  Your mother.  Who you live with and will be living with for the next decade and more so you'll most likely get used to me.  But know, with all my personality traits, the one I lack the least...


...is my love for you.



10 comments:

  1. so beautifully written. I got teary eyed by the time I got to the last line.

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  2. How beautiful. May we never lack in love for our children, family and friends.

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  3. Barbara & Stephanie,

    Thanks! This has been my heart lately when it comes to my two older boys - especially now that they are in school, and dealing with some conflict. My response to that conflict has shed some light on my own character.

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  4. Beautiful post. Lovely promises!

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  5. What a great post! Although I don't view any of those areas as lacking :)

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  6. You turned your "lacking" into a positive thing!

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  7. This is a beautiful post. Living daily like the way you described with God is such a blessing. Stopped by (late) from PYHO.

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