Happy Birthday, Daddy

Dear Daddy,


Tomorrow is your birthday and I believe you will be 79 years old.  The last time I saw you, you were 55 years old.  Unbelievable.  I can't believe it's been that long.


We were  at the home I lived with my mother, sitting across from each other.  Little conversation passed between us.  You were speaking in short phrases, the words coming from your lips a little stilted.  You were trying to start a conversation but it would continually die with my one word answers or my silence.  I wasn't hating you then like in my childhood.  I was just not willing to make the extra effort.  However, deep within my heart I appreciated you taking the time to visit even though it was, as usual, at my mother's insistence.  She was always trying to facilitate a relationship between us, with little success.


It happened days before I left for college and my mother of course wanted us to come together before I embarked on this very important milestone.


That was over two decades ago.


Since then, I have graduated college,  become a true Christian, lived with a half dozen roommates, worked in film and television, married my best friend (we tried to look for you then, with no luck), and birthed three sons, the 3 year old bears your name as his middle name.  


Now I'm more than halfway across the country, wondering where you are.  If you're well, doing the same things you were doing back then.  If you're still in New York City...if you're still on this earth.  I don't even want to go there.  You would check in with my mother by phone at least once every couple of years like clockwork.   It's been about fifteen years of silence, yet somehow, I feel that you're still around.  I refuse to believe otherwise.


I think of you often.


Well, here's wishing you all the best for your birthday and because I am stubborn and refuse to think of the alternative,  here's hoping we meet again soon so we can have more conversations.  I promise to answer all of your questions and make so much more conversation and catch you up on what's been happening in my life.  I can't wait for you to meet these precious little boys who are your grandsons.  You would enjoy them and they would think you a cool granddad because I remember you as a hip dad, whenever you came around.

So Happy Birthday, Daddy, wherever you are.