I'll Get To It Next Tuesday...

No really, I will. I promise. I have every good intention to get to those things I promised I'd get to. Such is my life. Between daily school pickups and baby holdings - the little now 9 month old wants to stand now more than anything, which he can't do by himself so I'm constantly holding him. Between nursing sick kids and running to the supermarket. Between typing up PTA minutes and cleaning house. Not to mention writing book reviews, doing laundry - loads of it - and working on my Great American Novel that will bring me a six-figure advance and make it so my hubby can retire and spend more time with me and the kids...

This is why our roofing project is taking months to even begin. As the roofing guy calls me every other day inquiring, I've constantly found myself thinking over the last several months as I'm scurrying around fulfilling the daily duties, "I'll get to it. I promise. By next Tuesday - the latest." Of course, next Tuesday comes and goes. And so does the Tuesday after that, and so on. And next thing you know it's been four months. Waiting for the check from the insurance company, finally getting the check, set to hand it over a week later to our roofing company when I glance at said check and it has the wrong information on it (why didn't I notice this two weeks ago?) so we have to send it back to the insurance company in order for them to reissue the check. More weeks of waiting as the roofing company guy calls in every two days. The check finally arrives and we have to get it endorsed by the bank that our mortgage is with. Unfortunately the only office that exists in Colorado that can do that is about 90 minutes south of us. And it goes on...a roofing project that was set to begin in early summer still hasn't begun. Now I've got to find the number to the roofing guy - it's been awhile since he has ceased to call me. He might have given up on us.

Between all of that...there are the details of daily life. Only so many hours which is why things take longer to do...not just the roofing project...but the clothing project - whereby I gather all the clothes in our house, organize, launder and give half of it away...and the garage project - whereby hubby and I go through the "stuff" in our garage to make room for the car to actually park in it - what a novel idea?...the painting project - whereby we paint our living room the beautiful light gray color we've chosen 5 months ago -- the gray sample is still painted on one wall surrounded by the original color...and the PTA minutes that were due two weeks ago...

And now the holidays are looming...with an additional set of tasks to do... and people are threatening to visit...I really don't have the time to wait until next Tuesday, even though the To- Do List hasn't gotten any shorter.

Ah...if only Santa could come to our house so the kids can sit on his lap while Santa's assistant snaps a picture for the grandparents as we go shopping for holiday gifts and the tree right in our garage next store and decorate the house full on and send those recently purchased gifts to family far away at the post office next to our garage (I can only wish!), and hire a chauffeur to pick up my kids from school, and an assistant to help me manage the family administrative duties, there's a good chance that I could possibly get things done by next Tuesday...

Ah...I can dream can't I?


Okay...please share...how do you do it all?

Be Still...

"Can't you just be still?" I ask my 5 year old as his legs swing back and forth in a frenzy as he sits on the couch. His feet are hitting the bottom of the couch as I lean against it and it's driving me a little crazy. This is not the first time I've asked him to be still. When he's running (or galloping) back and forth from the family room to the dining room for what seems like the hundreth time, I ask him the same thing. The constant, sometimes frenzied moment drives me a little batty. I can't concentrate. Too many movements going on.

It's like he can't help it. In different moments when I ask him, he just gives me this look as his arms are swinging back and forth or he's twirling in a circle, as if to say "I can't help it. I can't be still."

I will sometimes even test him. "Can you be still for a moment? Let me see you be still. Let's try it." And he tries it, but he can only hold that body of his still for a minute, before his arm starts to twitch or his head starts to move up and down again.

The rare times that he is still? When he is watching something on t.v. that he is really interested in or when he is concentrating on a task that he is working on. When he is focused.


The same applies to my 3 year old.

As I watch both their constant, frenzied movements today -- I think of myself. Though physically I am still for moments throughout the day, even a couple of hours as I sit on the floor with my 8 month old or while I'm driving back and forth in the car, I'm not still, really. My mind is constantly racing and my emotions are going as fast as my mind as they spike up and down as I react to the different situations that I find myself in.

I am reminded of a biblical scripture. God talking to his people and telling them to "Be still and know that I am God." The implication (in my mind) being that He is big and can handle anything, from the simplest of your worries to the grandest of your problems. Be still and reflect on me. The solution will come. The very act of reflecting requires focus and in order to be truly focused one needs to be still.

It dawns on me that I am not still enough to be focused. Maybe when I'm writing my blog or updating my Facebook page or writing an email. Basically, when I'm writing or posting on my computer. That is when I'm not just physically still, but mentally and emotionally still as well because I am so focused. And yet I that's not truly still, is it? True stillness requires a little bit more, I believe.

I think when I am reading a book, I almost reach that place of true stillness because I am the most relaxed and the most content.

Is God looking at me like I look at my two older boys? Does he wish to say "Too much movement, Melanie. Just relax."

The difference...my boys are kids with boundless energy. They need a couple of outlets. Also, it's joyful movement in opposed to my frenzied movement which can stem from worry or just "doing, doing, doing" all the time. The city girl in me expects to be in constant motion. After all I grew up in an urban surrounding of constant movement (i.e. rushing people, speeding subways, etc.) Not that there's anything wrong with "doing" or moving. There's a sense of accomplishment when we're doing the tasks set before us on a daily basis, and completing them.

Yet, there's an amazing benefit to just being still. In a relaxed way.

There's that laser focus one gets to partake in. You get to witness and see what's really before you (or within you) when you are still. In my case, I get to connect with my surroundings, with words, with others, with myself, with God. I get to experience contentment.

Moments of stillness can be so good.

Right now I'm picturing those moments when we, my family of five of are lying cuddled against each other in The Parents bed on a Sunday morning or when I'm just sitting on the back patio, surrounded by quiet, looking towards the mountains.

Perfect, utter stillness.

Feels so good even in this moment as I sit here on the floor...

...moments before the 5 year old gallops by me being pulled by the 3 year old from the family room to the dining room.

A Spontaneous Moment

This past Friday night, hubby and I and our oldest son - the 5 year old - were playing around, trying to sit on each others laps. Hubby sat down on chair in front of computer, I sat on hubby and then our oldest sat on my lap. We were stacked like a couple of blocks. I then thought wouldn't this make a funny picture but I couldn't get to my camera, being "stacked" between the boys as I was. Looking at the computer, I realized that it had a cool feature called "Photo Booth". So I activated it, and using our Macbook's built in web cam, starting taking pictures. My 5 year old thought that this was the coolest most hilarious thing because not only did the computer "take" our picture (with virtual flashbulb), after each picture you could see the actual photo taken, like in a real life photo booth. And so my 5 year old went crazy and pushed the button and the Macbook took picture after picture...and of course we started going a little nuts striking poses and making faces. Who cared that we weren’t prepped to take photos with our wild, mussy hair and extremely casual clothes. We even pulled the 3 year old son into the fun. And few seconds later, I stepped out and then came back with our 8 month old son, and the fun continued and would have continued if it hadn't been time for bed. It was such a good time.

There was lots of laughter and funny faces, which in the moment warmed my heart because I realized that for the last several weeks had been a mostly stressful, serious time for our family. The 5 year old has been dealing with rejection, teasing, meanness and loneliness at school while I've been dealing with being overwhelmed and tired with all the motherhood and household duties along with financial stresses and school worries (due to my son's stresses) and dear hubby was dealing with the same issues as me just replace family business with with heavy work responsibility. A mainly serious time marked with anxiety, short tempers, frustration and a bit of crying (from both kiddos and The Mommy).

That moment - our “photo session” - was the first time in awhile that wasn't marked with worries, frustration or discouragement. A pure fun time. Just 5 minutes of stress-free pure happy.

So much fun to hear sincere, boisterous laughter coming from my 5 year old and to see my 3 year make the funny poses (he was cracking himself up) with his magnetic school box and to see huge grins on the faces of The Parents (as seen through the photos we took). Mommy and Daddy are smiling. Really, smiling. Wow! The little 8 month old just took it all in stride, as he usually does.

In the midst of the serious busyness of our life we had a spontaneous five minute moment of pure, unalduterated joy.

Nice.

Here’s hoping for more of these moments. We need them.

Have you had any spontaneous moments of joy lately? What were they? Please share, because I would love to hear them. Mine warmed my heart, I’m sure hearing yours will do the same.

Keeping Up with My 365 Project...

Funny how time just flies.  And how challenging it can be to keep up with a project you've committed to.  My 365 Project continues (I'm impressed that I'm still hanging in there)...below are a few new favorites that I just posted to my 365 album on Facebook.   More "beautiful accidents"...

Softie With An Edge

Today, my 3 year old son looked at me with doe-like eyes and asked "Mommy...can i have more cereal?" He had already had 3 previous helpings so the answer was clearly "no", especially since it was the cinnamon/sugary kind of cereal.


I responded "Yes, but this is the last portion you are going to have of cereal. Okay?" He nodded his head enthusiastically and ran to the table. Of course I said that the last time he asked for cereal for the third time (a half an hour before).


When did this tough city chick turn into a softie?


My hubby jokes with me every now and then, stating "You've lost your edge. That urban edge in you is gone." The edge being that urban "toughness" that I grew up having. The one I acquired while living and growing up in New York City. It's not a rudeness, just a tough, "I don't take no stuff" kind of attitude. One that tells others, "Don't mess with me. I know what's going on." It's a form of confidence that sometimes is acquired after having navigated your way through city living for many years -- whether you find yourself walking down a sketchy street in the middle of The Bronx (or Manhattan or Brooklyn, take your pick) or as you're pushing your way through the throngs of people you're surrounded by on your way to work. There is sort of a facade you acquire in order to handle the throngs of pushy (sometimes rude) people and the speedy cabs/cars that are constantly "almost" hitting you while you cross the streets on the way to work, home or whatever destination you're headed to.


After 4 moves in 6 years -- each move taking us futher away from living in the city, hubby delights in taunting me (in a lighthearted way). We've lived in two small towns and now a bigger, college town so it's been awhile since I have lived in the city. My many years in the Bronx seem almost foreign to me. Though it's funny, when I go back to visit, I go right back to having my tough edge (with a few holes in it).


"No, I haven't!" I say back defensively . "Never. I'm tough, city girl. You can take the girl out of the "city" but not the "city" out of the girl."


Except when I look into my son's eyes (any one of the three sons at any given moment) or I get the sweet request for a third glass of chocolate milk or a snack from their favorite fast food joint (I actually go out of my way to get them those mandarin oranges from Wendy's upon a moment's request!).


Am I a softie or is it a mama thing?


Right now my 3 year old is laying on me, insisting that my arms be around him as he watches his favorite t.v. show. I give in and put one arm around him as I decide to continue to type this blog entry with one hand (no easy feat for me). A few years ago, the person who wanted my affection in such a moment would just have to wait until I was done. Not anymore, I guess...


Ah...what birthing three babies has done to me (and possibly all those years living outside of the uban jungle). This tough, no-nonsense city girl is putty these days.


Maybe I have lost my edge?


Okay, I wouldn't quite say "lost".


Just call me a softie...with an edge.

A New Love

As a writer, I have an extreme love for words. They are my passion. Letters make me smile. Film is a close second.  I love seeing images on the big screen (and small screen).   My heart warms when I see the open credits of a movie. I can't help it.  I wait in anticipation to see what's coming up next.  I have a deep love and appreciation for both. 

Photos are great too.  I could look at photo albums all day -- mine's as well as other people's.     Recently, I have embarked upon a personal 365 photography project, an idea I stole from my dear friend Gina, at The Daily B.   Commit to taking one photo a day, for 365 days.  I'm not a photographer by any means, and was attracted to the idea because of how I could chronicle my year in photos, one day at a time.  And I was curious as to what kind of pictures would come from me - a little personal experiment.   What kind of eye do I have?  Do I even have one?

 

Well, to my huge surprise, as I embark on this project, I find that I am developing a deep love and appreciation for photos.  Like with words and moving pictures.  Who knew?  As I chase my kids around the house with the camera, I realize I am so excited.   I found a new love. 

Below are a few of my favorites from my 365 project -- I call them my "beautiful accidents" because there are days where I just luck out and get a cool photo:

Have you found a new "love"?   A hobby or task that just excites you?  Please share.  Would love to hear about it.

Hello, This City Girl's Glad to Read You

I read an article this week, thanks to Gigi over at Kludgymom.com, on 10 networking tips for new bloggers and what stood out to me was the bonus tip which suggested you read 2-3 blogs for each follower that you have. That excited me because I'm a reader. As I live and breathe, I also read. Truly. It's why I write book reviews for a national magazine and it's why if I do nothing else in my day besides take care of the kiddos and the hubby and check in on Facebook, reading is definitely what gets done. It even comes before my writing sometimes, I'm almost ashamed to say, and writing is up there on my list of the top three things I'm passionate about.


So seeing this tip, I thought, I can definitely do this and I went about setting a goal. Based on my 11 followers it would mean reading between 22 and 33 blogs per week which equates to about 3 to 4 blogs a day. Something I can actually do while holding my baby, who refuses to be put down for any reason whatsoever, and feel like I'm doing something productive (not that holding the baby isn't, of course). At the same time, I get to enjoy my favorite pasttime. Not to mention getting some adult interaction. Being with my three adorable boys all day limits my conversation to "more cheese crackers?" and "how many stars is Dora holding up now?" I look forward to adult exchanges, via email and blog comments. I think too, what a great way for me to connect with my fellow bloggers, especially since I still feel so green within this new blog world I'm in.


And I get to leave comments on the blogs that move me, another favorite thing to do of mine's.


I'm excited for this goal. Excited to expand my network of blog friends. Excited mostly to meet and get to know new blog friends. The idea of "networking" doesn't move me but meeting and making new friends within the blog community does which will make the networking thing eaiser to bare I suspect.


Even as I write this, I feel that excitement rising through me. I can't wait.


I take out a sticky note and write down my goal. I stick it to a spot on my laptop.


Here I go.


Yes! I look forward to reading (your blogs) and meeting you all.