Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Matters of Mean

I get irked.  

We all have pet peeves.  

One of mine is witnessing one kid being deliberately mean to another kid. 

Most times I see this happen when there are three kiddos, and the first kid wants the second kid all to himself and decides to be mean to the third kid who is friends with the second.  

Yes, my two older sons each have been that third kid at times. 

It hurts my heart to see that happen.  

More importantly, it hurts the kid who is the target. 

Meanness for meanness sake. 

If the meanness stems from a kid feeling grumpy, tired, sick, hungry or from having their feelings hurt by others, I understand it. 

It's still not good in my eyes but it makes sense: when we're not feeling good, we tend get irritable, snappish, mean.  We're not nice. 

I still talk to my kiddos about how even in these circumstances being mean to others is not acceptable. 

It's when the kid is feeling fine and he/she decides to be mean to another kid that gets me. 

Because the kid that gets it doesn't deserve it.

It's not fair to him/her.  

Because I feel that meanness comes from a place that is deliberate. 

That means to hurt on purpose. 

In my mind, why would you hurt someone's feelings on purpose? 

That's just cruel. 

However, I am aware that in our human natures, as there is a need to be helpful, to do something good for someone, also, in moments,  there is a need to be spiteful. 

But it still shouldn't be acceptable. 

I see some parents overlook this behavior,  not addressing it, letting it go.  

Oh it's just happens, is their reasoning. 

It may happen but it doesn't deserve to be overlooked.  

Meanness in any form whether it's coming from a 4 year old or a 40 year old shouldn't be overlooked. 

So maybe I'm looking through Pollyanna-tinted glasses or just from a logical, practical point of view (I'd like to think it's the second, though the first is not bad either): 

Treat others well.  Respect others always. 

I believe that meanness unchecked can grow into something pretty big and ugly.  

We have all witnessed the ugly in this world.  

Do we really need anymore?

Kids being mean for the sake of being mean.  Have you or your kiddos experienced it?  How do you handle those moments?

Linking up with Shell this week from Things I Can't Say and pouring my heart out...