Colorado Autumn

Every year, for me, autumn evokes bright sunshine over crystal clear days.

Stepping out of the car with a view of not-too-distant mountains

And onto a farm called Cottonwood.

Surrounded by bright orange pumpkins laying on fields of brown and green.

Little boys getting lost in hay bale mazes while

Grown-up conversations happen on the sidelines.

Sheep.

Little boys wandering the patches looking for that perfect pumpkin. 

Bright smiles.   Squinty eyes.  Aimless walks.

Then leaving to go home with our pumpkin booty. 

This is inspired by a prompt from Write on Edge which asks to write a piece on what autumn evokes for you. 

Happy Birthday, Daddy

Dear Daddy,


Tomorrow is your birthday and I believe you will be 79 years old.  The last time I saw you, you were 55 years old.  Unbelievable.  I can't believe it's been that long.


We were  at the home I lived with my mother, sitting across from each other.  Little conversation passed between us.  You were speaking in short phrases, the words coming from your lips a little stilted.  You were trying to start a conversation but it would continually die with my one word answers or my silence.  I wasn't hating you then like in my childhood.  I was just not willing to make the extra effort.  However, deep within my heart I appreciated you taking the time to visit even though it was, as usual, at my mother's insistence.  She was always trying to facilitate a relationship between us, with little success.


It happened days before I left for college and my mother of course wanted us to come together before I embarked on this very important milestone.


That was over two decades ago.


Since then, I have graduated college,  become a true Christian, lived with a half dozen roommates, worked in film and television, married my best friend (we tried to look for you then, with no luck), and birthed three sons, the 3 year old bears your name as his middle name.  


Now I'm more than halfway across the country, wondering where you are.  If you're well, doing the same things you were doing back then.  If you're still in New York City...if you're still on this earth.  I don't even want to go there.  You would check in with my mother by phone at least once every couple of years like clockwork.   It's been about fifteen years of silence, yet somehow, I feel that you're still around.  I refuse to believe otherwise.


I think of you often.


Well, here's wishing you all the best for your birthday and because I am stubborn and refuse to think of the alternative,  here's hoping we meet again soon so we can have more conversations.  I promise to answer all of your questions and make so much more conversation and catch you up on what's been happening in my life.  I can't wait for you to meet these precious little boys who are your grandsons.  You would enjoy them and they would think you a cool granddad because I remember you as a hip dad, whenever you came around.

So Happy Birthday, Daddy, wherever you are.








  

"Just Because I Love You" Day

On this Valentine's day or as our family likes to call it "Just Because I Love You" Day (borrowed from an episode of 'Team Umizoomi' - a Nick Jr. television show), because we remember and are grateful for the love that we have for each other.

A previous conversation:

The 5 year old, "Do you love me, Mommy?"

Me: "Yes, I love you."

The 5 year old, "Do you love me, Rhys?"

The 3 year old, "Yes, I love you, Noah. Do you love me, Daddy?"

The Dad: "Yes, I love you, Rhys. And I love Noah and Owen and Mommy..."

The 5 year old turns to the baby: "Awww...you love me, Owen?" The baby just grins.

Me: "I think he does love you..."

The 3 year old, "And I love Chelsea the Cat..."

Me (to the cat) : "Hear that, Chelsea. Someone loves you. Aren't you lucky?" Of course, we all love her...but it's just that the 3 year old seems to always remember his love for her, in opposed to the rest of the family, who either is too preoccupied to remember we love her or doesn't quite know what loving his cat is all about yet (that would be the baby).

But that's one thing, hubby and I feel like we can do as people and as parents, love often and love well. If we're not successful at giving our kids anything else, it's the thing we want them to get from us. We want them to know that they are loved - just because, and for no other talent, quality or reason. That's one skill we would love to get the gold medal for. The one thing, if they have to choose one thing their parents did for them growing up that was successful, it was this - that we loved them well.

Which with our kiddos (and with each other), it's not that hard. Okay, most times it's not...

Here's wishing you the best "Just Because I Love You" Day ever.

A Spontaneous Moment

This past Friday night, hubby and I and our oldest son - the 5 year old - were playing around, trying to sit on each others laps. Hubby sat down on chair in front of computer, I sat on hubby and then our oldest sat on my lap. We were stacked like a couple of blocks. I then thought wouldn't this make a funny picture but I couldn't get to my camera, being "stacked" between the boys as I was. Looking at the computer, I realized that it had a cool feature called "Photo Booth". So I activated it, and using our Macbook's built in web cam, starting taking pictures. My 5 year old thought that this was the coolest most hilarious thing because not only did the computer "take" our picture (with virtual flashbulb), after each picture you could see the actual photo taken, like in a real life photo booth. And so my 5 year old went crazy and pushed the button and the Macbook took picture after picture...and of course we started going a little nuts striking poses and making faces. Who cared that we weren’t prepped to take photos with our wild, mussy hair and extremely casual clothes. We even pulled the 3 year old son into the fun. And few seconds later, I stepped out and then came back with our 8 month old son, and the fun continued and would have continued if it hadn't been time for bed. It was such a good time.

There was lots of laughter and funny faces, which in the moment warmed my heart because I realized that for the last several weeks had been a mostly stressful, serious time for our family. The 5 year old has been dealing with rejection, teasing, meanness and loneliness at school while I've been dealing with being overwhelmed and tired with all the motherhood and household duties along with financial stresses and school worries (due to my son's stresses) and dear hubby was dealing with the same issues as me just replace family business with with heavy work responsibility. A mainly serious time marked with anxiety, short tempers, frustration and a bit of crying (from both kiddos and The Mommy).

That moment - our “photo session” - was the first time in awhile that wasn't marked with worries, frustration or discouragement. A pure fun time. Just 5 minutes of stress-free pure happy.

So much fun to hear sincere, boisterous laughter coming from my 5 year old and to see my 3 year make the funny poses (he was cracking himself up) with his magnetic school box and to see huge grins on the faces of The Parents (as seen through the photos we took). Mommy and Daddy are smiling. Really, smiling. Wow! The little 8 month old just took it all in stride, as he usually does.

In the midst of the serious busyness of our life we had a spontaneous five minute moment of pure, unalduterated joy.

Nice.

Here’s hoping for more of these moments. We need them.

Have you had any spontaneous moments of joy lately? What were they? Please share, because I would love to hear them. Mine warmed my heart, I’m sure hearing yours will do the same.